R vs. US Immigration

Well, we're in Florida now for Christmas vacation. Arrived yesterday evening after a rather smooth journey first by bus from Bournemouth to Heathrow airport and then a direct flight to Miami. Things were going so well and then we got to the US Immigration stalls where things went down hill rapidly.

The immigration officer that checked our passports started quizzing me about how long I'd been away. Being a naturally honest person and also fearing that they'd easily catch me in a lie, I told them it was since Thanksgiving last year which makes it a year and one month. We knew that we were taking a bit of a gamble (a greencard holder is only allowed to be out of the US for less than a year at a time), but we didn't think they'd get too critical over a month. This was a gamble that the house won, unfortunately.

She said, "Honey, you can't do that. You can't be gone for over a year. What have you been doing?" We explained that K is doing a PhD and I'm working to support her (not a lie, but just leaving out a few details). This was not a good enough excuse to let us slide. She called over one of the other agents and asked us to go with him.

We followed him into another room where we sat with several foreigners that needed further questioning. Then I was called up to the counter and one of the officers gave me a bit of a lambasting about what I had done. He said that I'm not allowed to stay away for this long. The Permanent Resident status means you live in the US, work in the US, pay taxes in the US, drive a car in the US, etc. And he said that my greencard is worthless now. That they would have to either take it away from me or I have to pay a reinstatement penalty of $265 (where'd they come up with that number?). My eyes nearly popped out of my head. K said it was her fault because she's doing a PhD and I'm working to support her. Another agent said, "Have a seat. We'll see what we can do." We skulked back to the seating area.

After waiting about 15 minutes, I was called up again, this time by another officer. He lectured me on the same subject again, saying that I might as well put my greencard in the shredder because it's worthless. If you're gone for 6 months, there's a red flag on your status and after a year you lose status completely. He also said that if I go ahead with the penalty fee to reinstate it, I would still be starting from scratch. If I want to apply for citizenship, I have to live and work in the US for 5 consecutive years, regardless of the fact that I have lived there since 1984. He also advised that I go to immigration services while we're here to apply for a re-entry permit which will allow me to stay out for up to 2 years. I told him that I will pay the fine. He asked me to sit back down.

We waited another 15-20 minutes, now quite concerned about our luggage out in the baggage claim area and our family members waiting outside to pick us up. I wasn't able to call out with my UK mobile phone and, besides, one of the officers started yelling at a guy who's phone kept ringing, so I decided I'd better not start playing with my phone, too. Finally, yet another officer called us out of the waiting room to a desk in the main immigration area.

He began taking down my details (UK address, reason for being out of the US, etc.), but from this point, things started getting rather strange. He went off on a rant about how it's not any cheaper to live in Europe... people think they get free healthcare, but they don't because the taxes are so high... so it's cheaper in the US... plus everyone over there is on welfare... don't get me wrong, the quality of life is high... (to K) what's your PhD about?... wow, media!... so you're like a reporter... oh my god, here I am ranting about Europe and now you're going to get me fired. The joking and conversing goes on and on as he gradually records my details in the computer, piece by piece. At one point, a couple of other officers came over and they got in on the conversation. One asked about K's PhD and she said it was about 9/11 and the media. This triggered a rant about how Europe needs the US and they want the US to do the right thing because, together, we're the Western World and if the US goes down, Europe goes down... but he doesn't like France because they are respecting the US now even though the billion dollar debt they owed was dropped... even worse with Mexico who's 10 billion dollar debt was erased. By this time, we were the only civilians left in the whole place and here we were joking around with the immigration officers (well, I wasn't doing much joking because I was feeling a bit sunken by the whole thing).

Finally, all of the data was gathered and rants finished, so it was time for us to go out to the cashier to pay the fine. The gung-ho officer led us out to another area, past customs, to the cashier. He asked if I was paying cash or credit. I was like, "Credit! I don't carry that kind of cash! Sheesh!" I handed over my card and the gung-ho officer said goodbye by shaking our hands and he reiterated that I need to get the re-entry permit.

Dazed and a bit confused, K and I ambled out to the welcome area with our luggage. The only people left out there were my mom and sister. They had been waiting for an hour and a half, all told. We went outside were my dad was waiting with the giant, white SUV. We climbed in and sailed through Miami up to Coral Springs.

What a night!

I'm still a bit shaken by the ordeal. We had to pay a huge fine, but I could have lost my greencard. A horrifying alternative!

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Today we woke up about 6am. It was still too early to get up, so we laid in bed watching some American TV. Hello, Culture Shock!

Later on, we jumped right in to this very same culture. We climbed into the giant, white SUV, drove on a wide road to a supermarket less than a mile away, parked in a giant parking lot with spaces two times as big as British ones, and shopped in a supermarket with fully-stocked gleaming aisles two times as wide as European ones. It felt both pornographically wrong and lusciously satisfying!