Friday, February 23

In our new roost

We're pretty much officially moved in to the new apartment. K picked up the keys yesterday afternoon and has been bringing things up here ever since, it seems like. It's definitely a nicer apartment. Much more light and a great view.

We're going to have to get rid of quite a bit of the furniture that has been accumulating since Norwich. The only pieces we're keeping are our futon mattress, dining table and chairs, a couple of shelves, "a/v" shelf, and our filing cabinet. Everything else must go. This apartment is furnished and it even has a widescreen TV, wider than our current one which we'll have to get rid of, too. And we now have a microwave and even a bread machine!

So far, so good. The only catching points so far have been that our car doesn't fit in the garage (not only are they 2 feet shorter on this side, but there are two utility shelves in the back) and we can't get any reception on our Freeview box (free digital cable through the tv antenna). At the moment, not sure what we'll do about either one of those problems.

Sunday, February 18

Moving Week (again)

So, for the 8th time since December 31st, 2002, we will be moving to another apartment. This is also the first time since 2003, that we are moving within less than a year from our previous move. This one wasn't our decision, though! At least we're staying in the same building, so the only thing we need to change in our address is that flat number. We have to get rid of some of our furniture because the new flat is furnished, which we don't mind because it saves us having to do that when/if we move back to the US (as long as we get to stay in this new apartment until then). We're pretty much looking forward to moving to the top floor: nice view, warmer (heat rises), no mold (hopefully), and more amenities in the kitchen (like a dishwasher). I'm going to miss our squirrels, though. This move is proving to be a bit of a financial strain. The deposit is equivalent to 6 weeks rent and the first month's rent amounts to a total of about £1928 (excluding the £300 we've already paid for estate agent fees). We weren't quite prepared for this expense, so we had to empty our savings account and will have to run on "fumes" until payday at the end of the month. Fortunately, our current landlady, perhaps to assuage any guilt that she is feeling, has told us she will come by on Friday with a cash payment of our deposit plus a refund of the remainder of the rent paid through March 7th. This should put us back on track.

Aside from that, K is getting back to working on her PhD and I'm starting to get a bit stressed about the paper I have to write for the Boston conference which is a little over a month away. A lot of work to do there and I'm getting a bit frustrated because I basically only have the weekends to work on it and that means I don't get much of a weekend. In the end, it will be worth it because it means I got my airfare to Boston paid for. It's hard to focus on that positive at the moment, though.

Anyway, I thought it'd be interesting to list the moves we've undergone during the past 7-8 years:

-December 29th-31st, 1999 - Ft. Lauderdale, FL to Los Angeles, CA
-December 31st, 2002 - Los Angeles, CA to Scottsdale, AZ
-July 7th, 2003 - Scottsdale, AZ to Aurora (Portland), OR
-August 30th, 2003 - Aurora, OR to Brussels, Belgium
-August 29th, 2004 - Brussels, Belgium to Norwich, UK
-August 24th, 2005 - Norwich, UK to Winchester, UK
-July 8th, 2006 - Winchester, UK to Flat 3 Kingsgate, Bournemouth, UK
-[Impending] February 23rd, 2007 - Flat 3 Kingsgate to Flat 16 Kingsgate

We're not on the run from the law. And we're not necessarily "rootless". We have roots, but like potted plants, they travel with us. I often wonder if our wanderlust is genetic. After all, I am descended from the Vikings and K is descended from the Oregon Trail Pioneers.

However, these past years of moving have ignited the desire to settle, which is what our current trajectory is all about. With any luck, our next-next move will be a step toward that goal. A step toward pulling our roots out of the pot and transplanting them into fertile soil somewhere. Not sure where we will end up, but it will not likely be English soil.

Tuesday, February 13

Notice of Revocation of Independence

This is a bit old (originated after the 2000 election) and it's actually not written by John Cleese (of Monty Python) as you can see on Snopes.com, but it's still pretty funny. And a perhaps just a little bit true? After you read this, read the "rebuttals" found on the Snopes page linked to above.

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE by John Cleese

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary.

Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking! about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires, e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as The Office, Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen, but only after fully carrying out task #1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2007. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer, which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine, with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2007) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

Sunday, February 11

BAFTA's

The British Academy Film and Television Awards (UK's version of the Oscars) are on today. Looking forward to it. We watched it last year and were entertained by the low-key atmosphere and host Stephen Fry's dry sense of humor. He's not hosting it this year, but Jonathan Ross has an equally dry sense of humor.

And completely unrelated, go HERE to listen to A Prairie Home Companion's annual joke show. We love this show and miss it dearly (it's not the same to listen to it over the internet).

Friday, February 9

Grab the tide and turn it yourself!

We've secured another apartment now. And it just happens to be in the same building we're in right now! A mirror version of our current apartment, but on the top floor (7th to Americans, 6th to Brits*). Nice view, fully furnished, and including a dishwasher. Same price as our current apartment, though that wasn't the case until recently. They had been trying to rent it out for £850, unsuccessfully. We'll be signing a 12-month lease starting on the 23rd.

K and I were talking about the timing involved in this outcome. All of the events leading up to this seemed to be steeped with bad luck, but was it actually good luck in disguise? We now believe the manager of LD Property Management knew all along that the landlord was dying. In fact, there was a court case already ongoing when we first looked at the apartment (something about a someone who owns three of the other flats in the building, the settlement being that she has to buy the one we were interested in). We think he was just stringing us along for some reason and when he first called us about the landlord possibly dying, he was probably already dead. Anyway, if we had moved in there sooner and all this happened... ooh, that would have sent me off the edge like Michael Douglas in Falling Down! Luckily that wasn't the case. But the timing eventually led to us being able to stay in the building to which we have become accustomed. No need to get a moving van. We won't even need to move very much furniture up there since the apartment is furnished. And since it's in the same building, we can leisurely migrate our belongings up the stairs without packing!

Is this perhaps the end of our chain of bad luck?

Wednesday, February 7

Outcome

So, the guy died. We can't have the apartment. They're going to sell it.

Back to apartment-hunting...

Friday, February 2

Are we cursed?

This is crazy. This must be a sign. England is trying to tell us something: "Go back to America, you good-for-nothin' immigrants!" We usually are quite fortunate, but we seem to have run into a stint of bad luck ever since we came back from Florida (though it probably started from the incident during re-entry).

Ok, first we find out that we have to move out of the apartment we're currently in because our landlady wants to take over the property. So we stress out for a bit and find a really nice place in Canford Cliffs and it's CHEAPER than where we are now. Phew! We've been looking forward to moving into that apartment (nice size, no mold because it's not a ground-floor apartment, cozy garden where I might even be able to do some gardening, close to the beach, dishwasher, large refrigerator, etc.). Life's looking good, right?

Not quite. Today we are told that the fellow who owns the flat is very ill and could possibly die. All right, yeah... commiseration, sympathy, and all that... but it means that we are pretty much shit-out-of-luck. If he dies, the property will probably go into "limbo" while some lawyers figure out what to do with the guy's estate. They might sell it (they'd make a pretty penny if they did) or they might decide to keep leasing it to tenants. If they sell it, obviously we're not moving in there. If they decide to keep leasing it, I don't know if we should move in there because the landlord's next-of-kin might suddenly decide they want to sell it or move in or whatever and then we'd be back on the apartment search again. And if they do continue leasing it, I'm sure they'll want to lease it for the highest price they can get (i.e.- not for a strangely low sum of £695 per month), so then we'd be priced out of it.

Then again, he might not die... this time. But if he's ill enough for this to suddenly happen, he could certainly go at any time and if we're already living in his flat when it goes in "limbo", well that's no fun either. No matter which way you slice it, it looks like we're going to have to find another place. The estate agent will call us on Monday to let us know the outcome. He said, "Don't worry. We'll find you another place." We don't want another place! We wanted that one!

So... anyway... back to what I mentioned in the first paragraph. England is trying to kick us out. It's like what happens in workplaces over here: it's almost impossible to fire someone, so they just make the person's life a living hell until they quit. Ok, to be fair, our life's not a "living hell", but shit... this sucks! I'm really pissed off about this! And none of it would have happened (to us) if our landlady didn't decide to oust us.

K and I have both been thinking, "Fine... I get the picture... it's time to move back to the US." It's hard not to take this as a sign, but there's just no way. There's no way that we can just up-sticks to do an inter-continental move by March 7th. No matter how you look at it. It's just not possible. At least not without GREAT expense, frustration, and trauma.

So, step off, England! We ain't leavin' yet! Not until we're good and ready!